🥤Sharon's man was dating other women

Issue 02

👋 Good afternoon! We were quite shocked when the whole of Twitter decided that situationships were a necessary element of life. Opinions flew, everyone had something to say, and we wondered about those getting the short end of the stick in these situations.

In this issue:

Sharon’s man was dating other women
How to deal with PCOS- from a doctor
How long should dating take?
This week’s recs

PS: If you'd rather stick to The Juice Friday roundup only, no worries — scroll to the bottom of this email and click "Update your email preferences." You'll see: "Want to receive emails from our sex & relationships newsletter?" Toggle it off, and you won’t see Pillow Talk again.

Sharon’s man was dating other women

In this edition of Spilling the Juice, we spoke to Sharon* (23) about how she stayed in a situationship despite the red flags, and how the man still reaches out to her years later.

S, 23

I met Gbenga* in school as we were both classmates. I only became close to him towards the end of 300L. At the time, he was very close friends with one of my close friends, Zainab*. Our classmates always teased them for dating each other, but they weren't. It was a fun thing, and I was also part of the bandwagon.

Eventually, that led to Gbenga and me getting closer. He explained that he liked Zainab in 100L, and when he discovered she was dating someone, he stopped pursuing a relationship, and they became friends.

We hung out, spent hours on the phone together, and met up after classes to take strolls and talk. The love was blossoming, and our intentions about being in a relationship together became clear with every passing day.

The D-day came, and Gbenga asked me to be his girlfriend, officially. I couldn't say yes. I was skeptical and worried about what people would say, since many still believed he and Zainab were dating.

I told him to hold on, so I could get back to him later. He agreed. I took that as him being patient with me. I clarified things with Zainab, and she and Gbenga had no history whatsoever.

With gladness in my heart, I hurried back to Gbenga to tell him yes. There was actually nothing I wanted more than to be his girlfriend. I only needed to clarify things first. Apparently, that must have given him the ick. Gbenga said NO.

My heart crashed, and when I asked about the sudden change of mind, he told me he wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship fully and that relationships were hard.

Mind you, I was head over heels for this guy. So, I stayed. I agreed that we should “see how things pan out,” and that was solely because I thought he would later have a change of heart. Gbenga didn’t.

300L rolled into 400L, and we were still in this situationship. At one point, Gbenga was close to different babes, and whenever I saw him with them, I was always jealous. But I couldn’t complain. After all, we weren’t in an actual relationship, and he had also made that clear enough.

It continued like that, and during the whole situationship, there was always one girl or the other at different periods. These instances always drew attention too, and rumors followed suit. And I was just there, in the background. Those were my cues to leave, right?

We continued what we had going on, and when we resumed 500L, there was another babe in the setting. It was glaring that this was different. I kept seeing the signs, and he eventually told me, “he was talking to someone.” Gbenga was trying to let me know that our time together was up.

I confronted him about it. I asked him why he, who always claimed to have commitment issues, suddenly had someone enough for him to decide to be in a relationship. I didn’t get an answer, of course.

She was in 300L in the same department, so after classes she would wait for him, and they’d hang out and later, leave together. I was just always there, staring at them through the window.

What broke the camel’s back was on his birthday. His friends posted his pictures and wrote what the girl did for him. His friends’ post implied that he was dating her, but to me, he gave the impression that he was just “talking to her.” And for some stupid reason, I was still in the picture.

I had to sit myself down to ask why I was still with this guy when he had a whole ass girlfriend. He was really eating his cake and having it. I cut off all contact with him, and what helped was that we were leaving school at the time, so it was almost very easy to move on.

I have blocked him everywhere. Now, he randomly texts me to say he misses me, even earlier this month. The next time he does that, I’d crash out on his head!

If you’d love to spill the juice on your own horror story, tell us here. 100% anonymity!

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Polls

How long should dating take?

3-6 months

1-2 years

3-6 years

> 6 years

Last week we asked for the best first-date spot, and movie dates topped the poll with 33% of the vote. So if you're planning a first date, you've got your answer.

This week's question is above, the most popular answer gets shared next time, so vote!

Love doctor

Dr. Haleemat Shutti is a medical doctor, entrepreneur, and founder of That LiT Doc, a women's health platform dedicated to making health information simple, accurate, and accessible.

In the simplest terms, what exactly is PCOS, and how would a young woman even know she has it?

PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) is a common hormonal condition that affects how the ovaries work. It doesn't necessarily mean there are "cysts" on the ovaries. Instead, the body has a hormonal imbalance that can affect ovulation, periods, skin, hair growth, and metabolism.

Therefore, PMOS (Polyendocrine Metabolic Ovarian Syndrome) is the updated medical name for the condition formerly known as Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). This change better reflects a complex whole-body hormonal and metabolic disorder, highlighting the impact on multiple hormone systems, and long-term metabolic health.

Additionally;

Polyendocrine acknowledges that the condition involves multiple hormone systems, not just the ovaries—including insulin (a vital hormone that allows your body to use glucose (sugar) from food for energy and regulates blood sugar levels), androgens (male sex hormones), and other endocrine pathways.

Metabolic recognises that insulin resistance, increased risk of type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and other metabolic features are central to the condition.

Ovarian retains the reproductive component, including ovulatory dysfunction.

Removing the word "polycystic" avoids the misconception that ovarian cysts are required for diagnosis when many affected women do not have them. Think of it this way: the body's hormone "communication system" isn't working as it should. This can affect ovulation and the menstrual cycle, insulin (which controls blood sugar), male hormones (androgens), weight and metabolism, skin and hair.

A young woman might suspect PMOS if she notices: irregular or missed periods, acne that doesn't improve, excess hair growth on the face, chest, or abdomen, hair thinning on the scalp, weight gain or difficulty losing weight (although many women with PMOS have a normal weight), dark patches of skin around the neck or underarms, or difficulty becoming pregnant later because ovulation is irregular

Not every woman has all these symptoms, which is why a healthcare professional should make a diagnosis.

There's a belief that PMOS means a woman can never have children. How true is that, and can a woman with PCOS still get married and have a normal family life?

This is false. Having PMOS does not mean a woman is infertile. Many women with PMOS become pregnant naturally, get pregnant after improving their health and lifestyle, and become pregnant with medications that help them ovulate if needed.

While PMOS can make it harder to conceive because ovulation may not happen regularly, it does not mean pregnancy is impossible. Women with PMOS get married, build healthy relationships, have children, and enjoy fulfilling family lives every day. Some may also need extra medical support.

Is PCOS caused by anything a woman did — her diet, lifestyle, "spiritual attack" — or is it just something that happens?

No. PMOS is not caused by something a woman did wrong.

It is not a punishment nor a spiritual attack. Neither is it caused by laziness or occurs as a result of eating one particular food.

Researchers believe PMOS develops because of a combination of factors, including genetics (it often runs in families), hormonal differences, or the way the body responds to insulin.

Lifestyle can make symptoms better or worse, but it is not usually the root cause. No woman should blame herself for having PMOS.

Can PMOS be cured completely, or is it more about managing it? What does managing it actually look like day to day?

At present, there is no permanent cure for PMOS. However, it is very treatable, and many women manage it successfully.

Daily management may include eating a balanced, nutritious diet, being physically active most days of the week, getting enough sleep, managing stress, taking medications prescribed by a doctor, if needed, to regulate periods, improve insulin sensitivity, or treat symptoms such as acne or excess hair growth, and getting regular medical check-ups to monitor reproductive and metabolic health.

Treatment is tailored to each woman. Someone trying to regulate her periods may need a different approach from someone trying to become pregnant. The goal is to reduce symptoms, protect long-term health, and improve quality of life.

What should a boyfriend or husband understand about PMOS? How can men support a partner dealing with it?

One of the most important things a man can understand is that PMOS is a medical condition—not a personal failure. A supportive partner should know that hormonal changes can affect mood, energy levels, and emotions.

Fertility challenges, if they occur, are something a couple faces together—not something the woman should carry alone. Symptoms such as acne, unwanted hair growth, or weight changes can affect confidence and self-esteem. Also, treatment often takes time, and progress may not happen overnight.

The best support is to listen without judgment and avoid negative comments about appearance or weight. Other ways to support include encouraging medical care rather than myths or blame, joining her in healthy lifestyle habits like exercising or preparing balanced meals. Lastly, exercise patience and reassure her throughout the journey.

Sometimes emotional support is just as valuable as medical treatment.

If a 19-year-old reading this suspects she has PMOS but is scared or broke, what's the very first practical step she should take?

First, don't panic. PMOS is common, and many women live healthy, fulfilling lives with it.

A good first step is to keep track of your menstrual cycle and any symptoms such as acne, unusual hair growth, or weight changes. Visit a healthcare provider as soon as you can. This could be a primary care doctor, family physician, or gynaecologist. If money is tight, look into government hospitals, teaching hospitals, or community clinics, which often provide lower-cost services.

Ask what tests are most important if you can't afford everything at once. Diagnosis is usually based on your symptoms, medical history, examination, and sometimes blood tests and an ultrasound. Also, be cautious about social media advice or products claiming to "cure" PMOS. There is no proven instant cure. The earlier PMOS is identified, the sooner you can begin managing it and reducing the risk of future health problems.

Lastly, to every young woman reading this, a diagnosis of PMOS is not the end of your dreams. It does not define your beauty, your femininity, your ability to marry, or your worth. With appropriate medical care, healthy habits, and support from loved ones, most women with PMOS go on to lead healthy, productive lives, and many become mothers when they choose to.